Don't Let Other People Waste Your Time

Yesterday in exercise class an acquaintance of mine walked up to me and said "I want to thank you for telling me not to let other people waste my time. I listened to you and have really changed." Wow! My reaction was that I vaguely remembered saying that to her and damn, it was pretty profound. We only have so long to be on this earth and the only thing we have is our time. Why not spend it the way that is best for us? Sounds a little harsh and self-centered but not really. I prefer to think that it give us a clearer focus on our life.

For example when I am walking down Broadway right after yoga class, I am in my "zen" moment. I am being mindful: I am thinking my private thoughts. When someone, a well-meaning person comes up to me from, for example, ASPCA, he is interrupting my moment of peace. I smile, wave my hand and say no, thank you. He inevitably follows up with "Can't you give me 2 minutes...." The answer is no. These 2 minutes are mine to do with as I please and it is not listening to your pitch. I chose to think what I want in my private time.

Please do not get me wrong. I am open to new ideas, welcome new experiences and often in a spontaneous fashion but again, let me decide where and when I want to spend my time.

When I was 22, I lived with 2 other young women in an apartment in Boston. We were all single and dating and all before cellphones. Josephine's steady guy once remarked on the difference between the 3 of us. He said if Alicia's date is an hour late coming, Alicia will say nothing when her date arrives and act like nothing is wrong. If Josephine's date is late, she will fuss and fume and then eventually calm down. If Nancy's (me) date is late, she waits 30 minutes and then goes out on her own. It's true. I did. I would do anything, go for a walk, go grocery shopping, go to a movie because time is precious and I do not want other people wasting my time. If I am not important enough for you to be on time for our date, then I will spend my time elsewhere. I made that conscious choice.

I realized that sometimes I had not listened to my own advice. I had a acquaintance who would talk to me every Sunday as we walked up Broadway after gym class but there was only one subject, should she or should she not get married to this man. Obviously a one sided conversation with me listening a lot and her not listening to my few words of wisdom. After 6 month of indecision (which was probably a decision in and of itself) about this, I decided to "change the dance". I told her that I had to go 1) in the other direction, 2) go grocery shopping or 3) go to the library. No feelings hurt but I had wasted my time. She was an acquaintance that never turned into a friend and was only using me to be a mirror for herself. Shame on both of us. Have you ever known a person like this? How did you handle it? This is an interactive conversation so please email me at NGoldinteractive@gmail.com and share your story.

I got a great piece of advice from a smart friend of mine who is an excellent "her" time manager. I asked for her advice since I had a problem with a girl friend who would make a date with me and then an hour before we were to meet for lunch, she would inevitably delay the meeting by 30-45 minutes ....because something else had come up. It really bugged me but how was I going to get around it? My smart friend said tell her "That is not going to work for me. Do your want to reschedule another day?" All of a sudden my friend's other priority took a back seat to me. Just setting boundaries per my smart friend.

I remember another situation. I had a client, Debbie, whom I had known for many years. We had played tennis together; we had shared children growing up stories so she was on a different level than just a regular client. We both had changed jobs and a year later I asked her out for lunch to catch up. When she arrived, she told me that she had gone through a divorce and for the next 2 hours talked non stop and in great detail about her situation. She never asked me once about myself so I decided to just listen. At the end of lunch she must have realized because she said "Next time we will talk about you." I said sure, give me a call when you are free. She never called. I learned if you listen long enough, people tell you who they are.

So next time you are in a situation when you suddenly realize that you are not where you want to be, think of a way to extract yourself, politely of course. That is what it is all about. Being polite but managing your own time. You have a limited amount of time on this earth and it is up to you to decide how you want to spend it.

Now it is your turn to share. Have you allowed someone to waste your time? How did you change that dance? Did you feel guilty? Did you fall back into your usual pattern and want to kick yourself?

Please tell us your experiences. i will summarize the responses, anonymously of course, in the next article so that we all can learn.

Having your time wasted is no fun. Share your story at

NGoldInteractive@gmail.com

Let's continue the conversation!