Emotional Smarts

Question: do you have them? If the answer is yes, let’s see if you really do. If the answer is no, then let’s figure out how to improve you. Yes, grades will be involved.

Example One You text your significant other and invite him to a holiday party 3 weeks in advance. You know he has a lot of family health issues on his mind. You thought he said yes, so you remind him the day before that you both are going to this party. He answers and says he never committed to coming. You are a bit gob smacked. He has always gone to parties with you.  You explain that you had to buy tickets in advance and are surprised at his answer. He says he will pay you back for the tickets. You tell him never mind. You will make alternative plans.

Him : emotional smarts score (ESS): F Why? If someone asks you to an event, you answer right away. Obviously the party is important to your significant other, so consider the other person’s feelings.

You: ESS: A+ - Because you invited another friend, last minute, to be your guest. You straightened your crown, put a smile on and walked on like the Queen you are!

Example Two: You just started taking this Zumba class at your health club. The routines are intricate and fast. You are doing pretty well and like the classes. It’s a big learning curve. Another friend who plays handball tells you that he peered in on the class and noticed you dancing Zumba. He said that you were a little slow on the uptake. You say nothing.

You say let’s go to your handball court. I would like to try and hit the handball just for fun. You swing twice and miss both times. You laugh and say, thank goodness I can play tennis. He says I am amazed that you did so badly with handball, you being such an athlete and all.

Over lunch you tell him that you did not appreciate his two comments as they were thoughtless and judgmental. To soften your comment you tell him the joke of a young man who asks his father on his wedding day to give him a piece of advice for a happy marriage. The father replies when your wife asks you a question do not answer the first thing that comes into your head. You will be getting a divorce. Do not answer the second thing that comes into your head. You will be sleeping on the couch. Say the third thing that comes into your head.

My friend apologized profusely. He meant no harm and would be more considerate in the future. I thanked him, we finished lunch and I offered to pay the tip. He appreciated that.

Him: ESS: original grade F moved up to a conditional A. Average for the day: C.

You: ESS: B. You should have said something after the first comment on your dancing but you swallowed it. Not good. You raised your score because you told him at lunch what your future expectations were.

Do you agree with my scoring? Would you have done the same thing? If not, what would you have changed? Email me at NGoldInteractive@gmail.com and share your thoughts.

Full disclosure: I packed up the belongings of the first gentleman and put them in the lobby for him to pick up. I went on a breakfast date with the second gentleman where he admitted that today he only looked in my Zumba class to make sure that I was there because he wanted to take me to breakfast afterwards. He did not gawk.

I just asked him to come as my guest for New Year’s Eve at my clubhouse.  We will see what happens.