Living Solo Part Two

Last time in Part One of Living Solo we talked about your money, our investments, your accountant and your lawyer. There are a few other topics to consider, some business related and some personal..

Your insurance I have my insurance with State Farm which also does my condo in NYC, my car in Florida and my umbrella insurance. I get a discount and I hope I never have to file a claim. My health insurance is with UnitedHealth AARP Medicare, and I have part A, part B and supplemental coverage. Is it expensive? Yes, but you never know. Hopefully, you also paid for Part D which is the drug insurance.

Social Security If you have been living solo/never married, and if your significant other passes away, your social security payments will stay the same. If you were married and your spouse passes away, you no longer get two payments. You will get the higher of the two, but you must apply for them at the Social Security office. In the second case, your income just went down. You will continue to get only the higher of the two. It is quite a rude awakening.

Your social life. You must take care of yourself. Your social life will change. The invitations to dinner will dwindle if you are widowed. If you have been living solo for quite a while, you have already adapted. If you are newly single, you just have to make your own plans. Here is what I did: In my home town, I continued to belong to a tennis group, joined a knitting group at the JCC, started playing Canasta, continue to go to the gym and take exercise classes, joined a walking group and joined a grieving group. I continue to write on my blog and for the NYC TTN newsletter. In Florida, I joined a walking group, play Canasta every Monday, play tennis that I organize, joined a book club and started a cooking school in my community. I plan to start traveling solo soon. South Carolina and Asheville are on my list as is Iceland. I do not like big boat cruises so I am investigating river cruises. If you really want to go to a particular restaurant, you can always ask people to join you for dinner and then make sure you tell the couple upfront that you want to pay your own bill.

Your friends. Nothing is constant except change. No truer words were ever spoken, and we need to roll with the punches. People’s lives change. New friendships happen. Old friendships drop off. Don’t take it personally but we all do. I have come up with a new saying for people who disappoint me, “They are not evolved.” I have been dropped and I understand. I no longer am relevant to someone else’s life. If your calls are not returned, your holiday cards not reciprocated, don’t chase that friendship. Move on. If someone keeps breaking dates with you, take the hint and stop calling. Choose to spend your time with people who share your interests and make you feel happy. We are all dealing with “TTR”, the time remaining. Use it wisely.

What do I miss most? I miss my husband who was my best friend so loneliness is something that has to be addressed. I miss being able to say, this just happened. What do you think I should do about it? And getting an honest answer. Yes, you have friends that you can talk to and that’s good but you do not want to over burden them. What I have learned and what I continue to remind myself of is, keep a lot of your business to yourself. Choose carefully what you share particularly in Florida when you live in a retirement community. You do not want to become the “topic of the day” at the swimming pool.

Final words of wisdom. Get up each morning, take a shower, get dressed and get out of the house. Practice being kind to others and know they are going through their own challenging times. Stay away from negative people because they will always bring you down. If you are offended by something said in a conversation in a group, wait 5 minutes and then walk away. You have learned a lesson who these people are and they will never know why you left. It is not up to you to instruct them.

If someone asks you a question you do not want to answer say ”What a strange thing to say out loud.” Or change the subject to “did you just get your haircut?’ Works every time.

Now it’s your turn to share. What were your challenges? How did you handle them. Let’s continue the conversation. Email me back at NGoldInteractive@gmail.com. Hoping to hear from you.